Buteyko Method

I want to tell you my life story and I don’t want to say anything at all.

I want to cry enough tears so that no ocean knows drought.

Haven’t I already?

1) Haven’t I been there for you when your body was nothing but a creaky staircase like the one you thought woke the entire neighborhood the night you snuck out because darkness was your everything and I used my last wish to conjure up enough courage to hum “Please don’t…”

2) Maybe I don’t feel like playing nice anymore. I regurgitated enough thank yous for this lifetime and the next but that’s not a big enough sacrifice for the god of jellyfish, is it? Just because it was all an act doesn’t make the hurt any less real.

3) I wonder how many more times I have to slam my heart against the tip of your steel-toed boot for you to throw me a goddamned bone. You’re not even looking at me but I still bellow LOVE ME. You’re not even looking at me but I still exhale confidence the way you inhale insecurity and you’re not even looking at me.

I’ll go because I could.
I’ll go because I could be the Sun.
I’ll go because I could never be when my soul cannot.

When I’m finally gone, it’ll take more than a hallelujah to bring me back.

-erica jeudy ©

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