since you

I grew two inches and
started getting my eyebrows threaded.
I lost sixty pounds and
gained it all back in my thighs and belly.

I’ve had six birthdays, each
one worse than the last and
got my drivers permit, but never my license.

I started college and fully
understood
how badly I screwed up
in high school.

I quit my first job, broke
up with my best friend
and got a tattoo I immediately
regretted.

I stopped thinking about
what we could’ve been.
I took an acting class
and got the chance to use you
…for emotional scenes.

I stopped salivating
over nooses and pills
and knives and became
a professional exhaler.

I learned how to
open my mouth without
crying and use my
big girl words.

I cut my hair
and started wearing
thongs.

I vowed to never
wear thongs again and
fell in love with Michael Fassbender,
green smoothies and MMA.

I witnessed the
trouble of sex buddies and
their violent endings.

I installed an A/C in my
room and remembered how
to sleep on my stomach.

 

-erica jeudy©

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