This is the way you slow me down. 

The way that your death is too near and possible and certain that I have already buried you. How everything you choose to be undoes the smallest home I’ve built inside myself. 

So today I will let go of the coal. I will not let the clinking of glass bottles send oceans of blood towards my heart. I will raise a glass without fear. I will lie with every rancid breath and confused movement of tongue:

I did not see it coming.